Last week I purchased a burger at a fast food restaurant for $1.58. The counter girl took my $ 2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 … pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.

Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80.  Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990s

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?

Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok. )

6. Teaching Math In 2009

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

7. Teaching Math In 2013

Who cares, just steal the lumber from your rich neighbor’s property. He won’t have a gun to stop you, and it’s OK anyway cuz it’s redistributing the wealth.

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies…..Quit Laughing.
If you are not living on the edge, you are taking too much space!
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last long! Use it or Lose it!

• Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
• Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
• When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls.
• If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
• The less skilled the player, the more likely he or she is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
• No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
• The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.
• Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
• A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
• It is surprisingly easy to hole a 30 foot putt. For a 10.
• Counting on your opponent to inform you when he or she breaks a rule is like expecting them to make fun of their own haircut.
• Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
• It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
• The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
• You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
• If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
• Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
• When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
• Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he or she must subsequently make two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
• To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i. e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.
• There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
• Hazards attract; fairways repel.
• A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
• If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint
• It’s easier to get up at 6:00 am to play golf than at 10:00 am to mow the grass.
• A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
• Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you spend longer praying than you would do in church.
• A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are…. that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.
• If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.
• Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
• It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps. (Notice that this item was left as exclusively male)
• If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he or she shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse)…

President Barack Obama and the Democrat-controlled Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons With No Ability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72 percent), the airline industry (68 percent), and home-improvement warehouse stores (65 percent). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”

GREAT TRUTHS  

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man  is a shame, two is a law firm,  and three or more is a congress.-- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are  misinformed. -- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. --Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. --George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. --James Bovard, Civi lLibertarian (1994)

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.-- Douglas Case, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University.  

9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian 

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850)

11. Government's view of the  economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it.  If it keeps  moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.--Ronald Reagan (1986)

12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! -- P. J. O'Rourke  

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. --Voltaire (1764)

15. Just because youdo not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.)

16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)

17. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save Congress. -- Mark Twain

23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians --Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything  you have.  -- Thomas Jefferson 25.

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. -- Aesop

FIVE BEST SENTENCES   1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is  going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation! 

Alan Simpson, the Senator from Wyoming, calls senior citizens ‘the Greediest
Generation’ as he compared “Social Security ” to a Milk Cow with 310 million Teats.

Here’s a response in a letter from PATTY MYERS in Montana …I think she is a little ticked off but she also Tells it like it is!

“Hey Alan, let’s get a few things straight!!!!!

1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole (tit) for FIFTY YEARS.

2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).

3. My Social Security payments, and those of Millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an Interest bearing account for decades until you political Pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a Bunch of zero losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting The system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme That would make Bernie Madoff Proud.

4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and “your ilk” pulled the proverbial football
Away from millions of American seniors nearing Retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement From age 65 to age, 67. NOW, you and Your “shill Commission” are proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN.

5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying intoMedicare from Day One, and now “you
Morons” propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because “you idiots” mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal our money from Medicare to pay the
Bills.

6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you
Propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you ”incompetent bastards” spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR Debt. To add insult to injury, you label us “greedy” for calling ”bullshit” to your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I

Have a few questions for YOU:

1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?

2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?

3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?

4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and Healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting
Deficit reduction proposal, or as usual, have you exempted Yourself and your political Cronies?

It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political Co-conspirators called Congress who are the “greedy”
Ones. It is you and your fellow nutcase thieves who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from Millions of loyal, patriotic Taxpayers.

And for what? Votes and your job and retirement security at our expense, you lunk-headed,
Leech. That’s right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic, Political careers You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.

And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch. NO, I did not stutter!

P.S. And stop calling Social Security benefits ”entitlements”. WHAT AN INSULT!! I Have been paying in to the SS system for 52 years!  ”It’s my money” – give it back to me the way the
System was originally designed and stop patting Yourself on the back like you are being
Generous by doling out these monthly Check EVERYONE!!!

If you like the way things are in America delete this. If you agree with what Patty Myers, says, please PASS IT ON!!!!